No more Mr. Nice Guy

Hello, everyone!

I just wanted to say sorry about the delay in posts - after Coldplay (which easily was the best concert I have ever attended!), Esme and I decided to take a small vacation in the Rocky Mountains, so close by. It was perfect, needless to say. We managed to read the blogs a few times during our absence, and well... the accusations that I am not able to satisfy my wife are completely absurd. I couldn't help but laugh at the immaturity of the boys in the house - trying to say that I am incapable of satisfying my wife is clearly a cover up for their lack in... oh.. how do I say this... performance.

Esme... well. She would like her say in this matter as well. So, without further ado...

It is time that Esme Cullen stops being nice and starts getting angry.

I am absolutely appalled at the accusations being hurtled in my direction. For anyone to even consider that I would cheat on the love of my life with a mere boy is beyond ridiculous! And the accuser is my own son? Well, adopted son, but respect should still be intact since he’s been with our family for close to 75 years.

I think that it is highly possible that Emmett has what one would call a passive-aggressive behaviour. He finds it easier to ask his wife, Rosalie, to finish tasks for him; Rosalie has done his homework for years, she fixes his vehicles because he lacks the genes of a man, AND I dare say that she even sits beside him at his computer desk telling him what to write on these blogs. We all know Rose has a small grudge against Edward for turning her down, and Edward seems to be Emmett’s favorite target. Perhaps it’s Emmett who can’t satisfy his wife anymore, and she’s brooding over the fact that Edward never wanted her. In fact, I think she’s traded her “monkey man” in for a variety of new people.



and

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdLSmEtbUKg

Now, let’s move on to my lovely son Jasper. All I have to say is this: shouldn’t you know if Maria is a woman or not? Didn’t you, how do they youth say it, hit that?

Edward, you’re a darling boy and I’m so proud to call you my son. Thank you for being such a loyal friend.

For now, I feel that I’ve said all I can. However, knowing Emmett, this isn’t over and I’ll have to return.


So, let that be as a warning. Esme can have her fun, too.

Now, really, it wouldn't be fair if Esme was the only one who had her say today.
Upon my investigations when returning home, I found some... ahh... more interesting photos around the house. I've never been one to snoop, but really, I need some time off from satisfying my wife. ;)


First I bring you...


Hair clips? Lip gloss? And is that mascara I see? Emmett, Emmett, Emmett... I know that you have image issues... but cross dressing is not the answer to any of this. And staring at Rose like that? I wasn't aware that your summer house smashing adventures began with this. I'm a little... nauseated.

Secondly...



Jasper - a few questions I'd like an answer to...

• When, oh when, were you in PRISON? I see the "State Penetentary" on the back of that rather burly looking man's shirt
• Were you not a Major? Why the look of terror in your face?
• I'd like to point out that I personally have seen you take down a bear with your dear brother... and your face never looked like that. Why the fear, oh dear Son? I am curious...

And finally...


Now Edward, don't try to tag this onto Jasper, I found this in YOUR personal folder. First Leonardo DiCaprio, now your own Brother? I really had no idea....

That is all for now. Believe me, I've been accumulating a plethora of things. It's kind of unnerving finding so many jaw dropping things in one house. And here I have been all this time assuming that we were a perfect family... Oh how wrong I was!

Til next time,

The Doc

Sweet Revenge... Will come.

First off, my deepest apologies for not updating yesterday. Apparently I can't go a day without staying late at the hospital in June - it being hiking season around Forks and all. (I don't think I've ever seen so much blood in my life in a single day. I never knew twigs were so capable of slicing up a human being...) And today I am flying up to Canada with Esme to catch my favorite band of all time - Coldplay. I've never seen them live before, and Jasper was able to score us floor tickets!

Flight leaves in a few hours, so I have to make this quick!

I did a quick scan of my son's Blogs... Really Jasper? Really? I'm just thankful that you didn't find the other pictures. But you never heard that from me... I just watched your kissing video that Emmett so graciously posted. Let's just say.. I've taught you a lot in our time together, but definitely not that. That... is horrible. Don't tell people I've taught you all that you know, because I would never ever condone kissing as horrible as that.

Edward, the attack I did on you was not malicious in anyway. I was just simply letting the world know your love for Titanic. Or perhaps just Leonardo DiCaprio... does Bella know? Also, you should take it upon yourself to delete embarrassing photos of yourself off the main computer... and insert evil laughter here. I'm not quite done with you yet.

Emmett... let me quote. "and apparently Carlisle’s inability to keep his wife satisfied. I'm sorry Carlisle but your wife seems to be having symp sex with other blokes.." You'll learn to regret saying that. You're practically calling my wife a whore. Beware. That is all I will say.

So, things to look forward to when I return?

• Esme is going to make an appearance. She was none to thrilled when I told her about the accusations floating around online about her. Prepare for a... how do I say this... heart filled message from my beautiful wife towards my three sons.
• More incriminating pictures. And a video which is sure to please.
  

Carpe Diem!

Carlisle

2nd? You'd think I'd come up with better titles.

That survey was awfully interesting to do. Perhaps I'll find another one? Edward, Emmett and Jasper appeared to have some fun with it too.. and Emmett took it into his own hands to accuse my Esme of cheating on me with Jasper. I've never gasped so loudly in all of my life. They said the internet was a shocking place, and perhaps that is why I've avoided conforming to the technology for as long as I have.

Anyway, I know that Edward never suspected me of finding this, and I do feel horrible for doing so, but I know that soon enough incriminating pictures of me will be posted by at least one of my apparent loving sons, if not all three.

So without further ado I present...


Just a few things that crossed my mind upon finding this.. ahem.. masterpiece.

• Edward, I honestly had no idea that you were a Titanic fan! How did you keep this from us for over ten years?
  
• Who took this picture of you? I'm mildly curious...
• Does Alice know you own that shirt? I'm pretty sure she wouldn't approve...

Anyway, that's enough embarrassment for one night. I may live to regret this...

Carpe Diem!

Carlisle

Because I am older than all of you.

What you're supposed to do... and please do not spoil the fun. Create a new note, copy and paste this message, delete my answers and type in yours. Then tag good friends and family INCLUDING the person who tagged you. The theory is that you will learn one new thing about each of your friends.

THREE NAMES I GO BY
1. Carlisle
2. Dr. Cullen
3. ... Esme's nickname for me. Which remains private.

THREE JOBS I HAVE HAD IN MY LIFE
1. Doctor
2. "Adoptive Father"
3. I worked at my fathers' Church as a bookkeeper.

THREE PLACES I HAVE LIVED
1. London, England
2. New York, NY- which was perfect, you know, being the city that never sleeps and all. I fit right in!
3. Forks, WA.

THREE TV SHOWS THAT I WATCH
1. Scrubs
2. Grey's Anatomy
3. ER

Did you find the common link?

THREE PLACES I HAVE BEEN
1. United Kingdom
2. United States
3. Italy

THREE FAVORITE BOOKS
1. Three?! What kind of blasphemy is this?
2. Shakespeare's Complete Works. It counts as one...
3. Phantom of the Opera

THREE FAVORITE MOVIES
1. Casablanca. You can laugh all you want, boys.
2. It's a Wonderful Life...
3. Twister. I bet you didn't see that one coming.

THREE FEARS
1. Having anyone in my family hurt - emotionally or physically.
2. ::whistles innocently::
3. spiders. creepy, black spiders.

THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO
1. Isle Esme, again.
2. Australian Outback. Never been, always wanted to go.
3. Antarctica.

THREE OBSESSIONS:
1. Esme
2. Saving Lives
3. This, now.

THREE OF MY FAVORITE FOODS
1. Carrots, Celery, Lettuce - What? You all knew I was vegetarian.
2. Deer.
3. Jaguar - you find the occasional one on Isle Esme.

THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO
1. Going hunting with the boys - Now we have something new to talk about.
2. Work, as always.
3. The rest of forever.

THREE PETS THAT YOU HAVE OWNED
1. I had a frog, when I was younger. His name was Joey. I was 18....
2. ...

3. ...

THREE FRIENDS WHOM I HOPE WILL REPLY
1. Esme - Even though I know everything about her...
2. Bella - I'd love to know if she thinks Edward's abs are real.
3. Alice - Her witty answers would definitely bring amusement for a few minutes..

THREE FAVORITE BANDS/SINGERS
1. Coldplay
2. Jason Mraz
3. Benny Goodman

THREE FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH
1. Baseball
2. Rugby
3. "Soccer" - though I prefer to call it football.

THREE FAVORITE DRINKS
1. ...
2. ...
3. a red liquid that has hemoglobin, which binds four oxygen molecules and transports it to all tissues within a mammal.

First one?

You know, I've been here for years. No, CENTURIES... and I've never felt the need to conform to peer pressure in all my years... and then when carelessly browsing the internet, I come across the blogs of my three sons. Let's just say, it's been an eye opening experience. So far I've learned that Emmett is apparently "The Sex" (I'd love for someone to actually define that for me) and that Edward's abdominal muscles are apparently "fake" and Jasper needs proof his creator is actually a woman. Jaw dropping? I'd say so.

So I've taken it upon myself to blog for the first time in my life. We'll see how this goes, no promises - I'm not the sex, with airbrushed abs whose favorite drink is AB- blood.

Til next time,

Carlisle