No more Mr. Nice Guy

Hello, everyone!

I just wanted to say sorry about the delay in posts - after Coldplay (which easily was the best concert I have ever attended!), Esme and I decided to take a small vacation in the Rocky Mountains, so close by. It was perfect, needless to say. We managed to read the blogs a few times during our absence, and well... the accusations that I am not able to satisfy my wife are completely absurd. I couldn't help but laugh at the immaturity of the boys in the house - trying to say that I am incapable of satisfying my wife is clearly a cover up for their lack in... oh.. how do I say this... performance.

Esme... well. She would like her say in this matter as well. So, without further ado...

It is time that Esme Cullen stops being nice and starts getting angry.

I am absolutely appalled at the accusations being hurtled in my direction. For anyone to even consider that I would cheat on the love of my life with a mere boy is beyond ridiculous! And the accuser is my own son? Well, adopted son, but respect should still be intact since he’s been with our family for close to 75 years.

I think that it is highly possible that Emmett has what one would call a passive-aggressive behaviour. He finds it easier to ask his wife, Rosalie, to finish tasks for him; Rosalie has done his homework for years, she fixes his vehicles because he lacks the genes of a man, AND I dare say that she even sits beside him at his computer desk telling him what to write on these blogs. We all know Rose has a small grudge against Edward for turning her down, and Edward seems to be Emmett’s favorite target. Perhaps it’s Emmett who can’t satisfy his wife anymore, and she’s brooding over the fact that Edward never wanted her. In fact, I think she’s traded her “monkey man” in for a variety of new people.



and

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdLSmEtbUKg

Now, let’s move on to my lovely son Jasper. All I have to say is this: shouldn’t you know if Maria is a woman or not? Didn’t you, how do they youth say it, hit that?

Edward, you’re a darling boy and I’m so proud to call you my son. Thank you for being such a loyal friend.

For now, I feel that I’ve said all I can. However, knowing Emmett, this isn’t over and I’ll have to return.


So, let that be as a warning. Esme can have her fun, too.

Now, really, it wouldn't be fair if Esme was the only one who had her say today.
Upon my investigations when returning home, I found some... ahh... more interesting photos around the house. I've never been one to snoop, but really, I need some time off from satisfying my wife. ;)


First I bring you...


Hair clips? Lip gloss? And is that mascara I see? Emmett, Emmett, Emmett... I know that you have image issues... but cross dressing is not the answer to any of this. And staring at Rose like that? I wasn't aware that your summer house smashing adventures began with this. I'm a little... nauseated.

Secondly...



Jasper - a few questions I'd like an answer to...

• When, oh when, were you in PRISON? I see the "State Penetentary" on the back of that rather burly looking man's shirt
• Were you not a Major? Why the look of terror in your face?
• I'd like to point out that I personally have seen you take down a bear with your dear brother... and your face never looked like that. Why the fear, oh dear Son? I am curious...

And finally...


Now Edward, don't try to tag this onto Jasper, I found this in YOUR personal folder. First Leonardo DiCaprio, now your own Brother? I really had no idea....

That is all for now. Believe me, I've been accumulating a plethora of things. It's kind of unnerving finding so many jaw dropping things in one house. And here I have been all this time assuming that we were a perfect family... Oh how wrong I was!

Til next time,

The Doc